Your Terms

“I regret that I didn’t go out on my terms.”

It’s hard to hear this. Especially when it’s from a family member. 

A year ago, he was pushed out of his role at a Fortune 500 company. There was no recognition of decades of service and performance. Not even a thank you. The company line was that he retired, but anyone who knows him knows he would never end his career in a silent abrupt manner.

What happened to him—and how it was carried out—was cold, unjust and unfitting of an admired company.

He hated having to share the story repeatedly. Many were angry hearing it. 

They were angry because something similar happened to their spouse, friend, colleague—and in many cases, to them.

They shared personal stories never before shared. He’s one of those trusted people who brings secrets out.

It’s the hard truth we all know. In the corporate world, we are all disposable. 

But there’s also a belief most of us secretly carry. We hesitate to say it out loud.

It’s that we don’t think it could happen to us. 

Because we work for a reputable company. We have a great relationship with our boss. We are valued by colleagues and colleagues alike. 

The hard truth is that regardless of your title, tenure, or performance—irrespective of the revenue you drive, the leadership you display, or the importance of your role—you are not immune. Under the anonymity of “management,” one person can decide the fate of your life and career on a whim.

On their terms. Not yours.


“I regret that I didn’t go out on my terms.”

It was the first time I heard him express his role in the story. 

Hearing these words from a loved one was hard because my coaching work focuses on helping people define their values, talents and gifts, and what success in life looks like. 

In other words, I help them define their terms.

They typically reach out because they are in transition—in their head. They’ve achieved the life they dreamed of. And they don’t want to screw it up. But something is off. Big time.

Their life is no longer their own. They are a tool in someone else’s agenda. They enter each new year promising that this is the year they are going to grab the reigns. They set some goals. Progress is made towards some, others fall by the wayside. 

With each passing year, the pattern repeats. The pressure rises. 

It will keep repeating until you take one bold important step: define your terms.


There is a reason that many—like my loved one—stay stuck in this pattern.

Defining your terms is hard. 

It shouldn’t be—it’s simply writing out some personal rules that make each of us feel respected, valued and alive. 

Then why is it so hard?

Because it feels like going against everything you’ve been taught.

Ego, parental voices and societal expectations run deep. Their voices are loud. When you attempt to write your terms, you will hear them. For example:

  • Refusing to work for a disrespectful boss—feels harsh to a Midwesterner raised to get along with everyone
  • Emphasizing learning over making money—feels collegiate, not a term suitable for a breadwinning father of two
  • Choosing to become a personal yoga instructor—feels beneath a corporate executive managing hundreds of people

When writing your terms, rely on your community—your coach, mastermind group, or a special friend group.

You are going to need their support.

Because the next step is even harder—communicating and acting on your terms. 


Speaking your terms out loud brings out two primal fears—pissing off others and limiting your opportunity. Like any fear, when faced head-on, they are typically unfounded. 

Here’s the great news.

When you decide to walk through the fear and communicate your terms, surprises you can’t imagine meet you on the other side.

For example:

  • Joe was a successful corporate executive and married father of two. He was secretly miserable in his career—not because he was mistreated or not using his talents. He was bored. He had other inspirations. One of his terms is to always be stretching himself. But he knew his wife would never agree to his walking away from it all. When he shared the idea with her, she was instead overjoyed—“what took you so long?” They partnered on a whole midlife pivot, moving across the country and even launching an entrepreneurial venture together.

 

  • Balance, flexibility and global learning are Jessica’s core values. One of her terms is the ability to work remotely outside of the U.S. She believes it makes her more valuable as a supply-chain specialist. Tired of trying to convince her prior company, she left. She knew her terms limited her employment opportunities, but she remained committed. She recently rejoined an entrepreneurial team she interned with years ago. Her global flexibility was an asset—not a headwind.

 

  • Megan decided to retire from her two-decade investment career to launch a second career. Increased global connection is one of her terms, so travel is part of her pivot project. As a mother of three, she planned to limit herself to one-week timeframes—she didn’t want to disrupt the family flow. Then it hit her—her values and terms mirror her family’s values and terms. Instead of shielding her kids, she brought the whole family into the process. The kids are excited for her solo adventures, as well as an upcoming family service trip.

 

Regret tends to come more from the steps not taken than the ones we do.

My loved one can’t change his past. Thankfully, regret propelled him to begin defining and communicating his terms.

I can’t wait to see the surprises awaiting him on the other side.


Need help defining your terms according to your version of success? That’s my mission as a Success Coach. Read more, connect with me on LinkedIn. I’d love to partner with you.


Discover more from Jodi Morris

Subscribe to get the latest posts sent to your email.

Jodi Morris Written by:

Venture Guide to High-Achieving Seekers. Success Coach. Venture Travel Curator. Impact Investor. Traveler. Writer. Global Connector. When we connect to others' stories it changes our own. Let's Venture!